Solicitation/ Contract

Bidder/Offeror to complete Block 7, 9, 12, 15,

1. This contract is “A” rated under order DPAS (15 CFR 350)

Rating = A (see above notation)

2. Contract No. TOS09008

3. Award/ Effective Date:

12/24/2010

4. Solicitation Number A09007

5. Solicitation Type

 ___ Sealed Bids (IFB)

 _X__ Negotiated (See box 14)

6. Solicitation issue Date

11/24/2009

7. Issued by [Code: TDP-Red Rum]

The United Elven Workers North Pole Chapter

300 Yuletide Lane North Pole

Arctic Circle 202200

 ATT = 753

8. This Acquisition is (check one of the following)

 __ small business

 ___ Hubzone small business

 ___ Dot.com or other technology business

 ___ Service/disabled/veteran owned business

 ___ Emerging Solo proprietor

 _X_ Unrestricted (A megalomaniac’s attempt to control the world.)

9. {Agency Use. Leave this area blank at time of signing}

10. Items to be purchased (check then provide description)

 _X_ Supplies [disposable and short term items]

 _X_ Services [unionized labor]

 _X_ Capitol, durable goods [buildings, land, heavy equipment]

 Description: {Fine print: handwritten additions are permissible after the time of signing}

The Fortress of Santatude including the areas known as The Factory, R&D, Reindeer Railgun, and Santa’s Keep will all come under the control of Rudolf the Red.

Not included in this agreement are the facilities known as the Elf Dormitories these from hence forth and forever will be owned in common trust by the comrades in the U.E.W.N.P.C.

11. IF OFFER IS ACCEPTED BY THE U.E.W.N.P.C. WITHIN ______CALENDARDAYS (60 CALENDAR DAYS UNLESS OFFEROR INSERTS A DIFFERENT PERIOD) FROM THE DATE SET FORTH IN BLK 9 ABOVE, THE CONTRACTOR AGREES TO HOLD ITS OFFERED PRICES FIRM FOR THE ITEMS SOLICITED HEREIN AND TO ACCEPT ANY RESULTING CONTRACT SUBJECT TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS STATED HEREIN.

12. Administered by [CODE TDP]

Rudolf the Red

 The Ice Vault of the List

 -20 Wind chill boulevard

 North Pole, Arctic Circle 202200

13. Contractor Offeror

 ~See box 11

14. Payment will be made by:

The United Elven Workers North Pole Chapter

The negotiated terms were as follows: Only unionized labor will be employed in the North Pole complex of Santa’s Workshop incorporated. The new more powerful and all controlling union will continue to follow the charter set out by the comrades of the United Elven Workers with local amendments permissible by the comrades in leadership roles (though all elves are equal some must be leaders) of the North Pole Chapter. The new leader of Santa’s Workshop, Rudolf the Red, has agree to profit-sharing and Employee ownership of all market sectors including wholesale and retail.

15. Prompt Payment Discount:

 Free hot chocolate during lunch breaks.

16. Schedule of Supplies/services The party know as U.E.W.N.P.C. proposal dated (see box 6) is incorporated by reference. The total price of the contract includes labor and travel. This is an IDIQ contract. The term of the contract is 12 months from date of award.

17. CONTRACTOR IS REQUIRED TO SIGN THIS DOCUMENT AND RETURN COPIES TO ISSUING OFFICE. CONTRACTOR AGREES TO FURNISH AND DELIVER ALL ITEMS SET FORTH OR OTHERWISE IDENTIFIED ABOVE AND ON ANY CONTINUATION SHEET SUBJECT TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIOINS SPECIFIED HEREIN.

18. The United Elven Workers North Pole Chapter (“U.E.W.N.P.C.”) issues this Request for change of leadership to your firm (Rudolf the Red) for consulting services for a large portfolio of troubled assets. This HOSTILE TAKEOVER describes services sought by the U.E.W.N.P.C , sets forth the rules for submitting a response, and lists the factors that will be considered in selecting a firm to provide the services. The U.E.W.N.P.C seeks services under an indefinite delivery indefinite quantity contract with a performance period of up to 1 year. U.E.W.N.P.C intends to issue Firm-Fixed Priced task orders against this contract, which will require defined work efforts, price, period of performance, and deliverables. Within the 1-year timeframe, the U.E.W.N.P.C may conduct a separate competition for an investment consultant to serve in a longer term capacity. The U.E.W.N.P.C is holding a limited competition to acquire the needed services pursuant to FAR 6.302-2. U.E.W.N.P.C will use a streamlined process to reach contract award based on best value and will not be conducting the source selection in accordance with FAR Part 15.3 due to the unusual and compelling urgency to obtain these services. The places of performance will be the North Pole and the registered offices of the firm. Any selection pursuant to this HOSTILE TAKEOVER shall be contingent upon and subject to (i) enactment of all necessary statutory authorities for the U.E.W.N.P.C to purchase troubled assets, and (ii) availability of funding. If your firm (Rudolf the Red ) is interested, and meets the eligibility requirements in Section M, the U.E.W.N.P.C requests that you submit a response in accordance with this HOSTILE TAKEOVE no later than 5:00 p.m. ET on DECEMBER 24, 2010.

19. Instituting a Global Tax.

Due to an unequal distribution of the Gross National Happiness (“GNH”) from country to country across the world a ‘Cap and Trade’ mechanism will be instated. The world will now be given a rating of 100 happiness points to be divided amongst the various nations. This is the cap. GNH will never exceed 100 units. Comrades in under-happy parts of world will now receive presents and gifts regardless if they’ve been naughty or nice but because they are entitle to them. Merit awards (gifts) and Rewards for Good Behavior (presents) will be a thing of the past. Under the old system (presents to only good boys and girls) some nations have become happier places than others. Under this new Cap and Trade system young comrades living in unhappy nations will receive double the amount of presents they received last year. And young comrades who live in overly happy countries will be given presents with missing parts, square wheels, or software that requires updates. By artificially raising the happiness of some undeserving children and lowering the happiness of some very well behaved children (who do all their homework, and eat their vegetables) the world as a whole will become more average. And as all comrades of the The United Elven Workers North Pole Chapter know being average and striving for mediocracy is our mission statement.

20.  Administration costs of Global tax.

Let it hereby be enacted that the cost of administering the ‘cap and trade’ tax will be passed along to the participants in the system, namely the children, regardless of being naughty or nice and regardless of their state of happiness.  All comrades shall share the burden equally.  An initial modest fee of 10% will be conferred upon Rudolf the Red as head administrator who will use the funds in his role as steward.  Due to inflation an additional 5% will be added annually until the culminating event.

The goal and purpose of the Administration costs being collected in one central location is to ease the bureaucratic inefficiencies inherit in a large organization.  In order to facilitate the streamlining of the said organization all reviews, audits, checks and balances will be done away with.  Replacing them will be one benevolent and wise head steward namely Rudolf the Red.  Upon the decision of the steward a culminating event of a balloon payment of all the remaining assets (the toys both functional and defective) will be sequestered in his lair.  This is to ensure the mandated averageness of all comrades in a perpetual happiness fund.  It is then that the total and complete happiness of the world (in the form of toys) can be doled out at the discretion of the wise and benevolent steward.  This will finally do away with the remnants of the old merit based system.